Burnout for Working Mums Doesn’t Happen Overnight – Here are 7 Signs Every Mum Needs to Know

“I Thought I Was Just Tired”

You wake at 6:15 am.

You shower, sort out lunchboxes, make a quick breakfast, and get ready for work.

You realise you actually slept well last night – but then immediately wonder why you’re still so tired.

It’s your turn to drop off the kids today (this is usually the case).

You’re already thinking about your first work call, from the car, once you’ve waved goodbye to your primary schoolers from the ‘kiss and ride’ bay.

To everyone around you, you look like you’re coping well.

High-flying job,

Great salary, nice house, overseas holiday upcoming…

But underneath, you’re feeling increasingly exhausted.

Short-tempered.

Disconnected from yourself and the people you love most.

You’ve told yourself many times, “this is just a crazy-busy season, as the kids are still young”, or “I just need a proper holiday”.

Perhaps you’re not simply tired.

Maybe it’s more than that.

Burnout doesn’t arrive overnight.

It’s usually a slow-burn.

It develops gradually.

Long, stressful weeks, turn into months…

Maybe even years.

You’ve been carrying too much, for too long, while giving too little back to yourself.

Burnout Is More Than Stress

You’re familiar with stress. It’s usually influenced by a high-pressure situation in some part of your life.

When you’re stressed, you may have difficulty concentrating, notice racing thoughts, worry more than usual, and forget things all too quickly.

At home, you might be easily irritated, go from 0-10 with anger, sadness or panic, or feel on edge much of the time.

Sleep becomes disrupted, and you may drink more alcohol than usual to help you manage in some way.

Burnout, however, is much more intense, with an ongoing feeling of chronic exhaustion, overwhelm, and depletion. It’s a real mix of physical and emotional symptoms that can lead to thoughts of wanting to escape from your parenting responsibilities (PMID: 33758826).

With burnout, there’s a noticeable inability to cope as you have previously. Some days you may wonder if you’re depressed, and you may feel like you’ve got too much on your plate, and you just need a break from everyone and everything.

Your capacity to deal with your children, family life, or work demands may feel as though it has significantly diminished, and you may even feel the need to pull away from, or detach from the people you love most.

You’re tired, but wired, so sleep can feel tricky. It’s like there’s a nervous energy that consumes you when you just want to rest.

Why Working Mums Are Particularly Vulnerable

The reality is, you’ve got two jobs – one is unpaid, has a huge emotional load attached to it, and it never stops. And the reality is, most mums are carrying the bulk of the mental load when it comes to raising kids and running a household (even when they’re also working outside the home).

Research clearly shows an unequal and unfair distribution of unpaid labour at home, sits with women in heterosexual relationships (https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/gender-indicators#work-life-balance).

Your other job – outside the home – is where performance pressure, deadlines, expectations from above, projected outcomes, and compliance of all kinds are exchanged for your remuneration package (…but even when you’re ‘off the clock’, you still feel the pressures of your role).

There’s a real pull and push in motherhood for working mums, too. You can feel stretched in all directions at once. You can be ‘here’, but wish you were ‘there’, and vice versa. This can leave you feeling as though you’re ‘failing’ in some way – a common experience that many mums have expressed to me over the years in our therapy sessions together.

It’s not that mothers lack the skills or capabilities to be a wonderful mum, and a wonderful employee (or business owner)… it’s the difficulty of carrying multiple responsibilities simultaneously. There are also complexities in the workplace that I’ve heard women share. They speak of supportive workplace policies in print, but in some instances, these don’t seem to translate into the visible corporate culture, with support from senior management clearly lacking when it’s truly needed by working mums.

Time and time again, I’ve witnessed mums who place enormous pressure and expectations on themselves, which we work towards shifting or relieving. There’s an abundance of mums who feel they need permission to slow down or rest, when in reality, that is what they need most.

Here are 7 Early Warning Signs of Burnout:

1. You’re Tired No Matter How Much Sleep You Get

This is more than physical fatigue. It’s a tiredness you feel down to your core.

You wake up tired, day after day.

No matter how many hours of sleep you get, you never really feel restored.

2. Small Things Can Trigger Big Reactions

You find yourself being more reactive than you ordinarily are.

You snap, shout, cry, or feel overwhelmed by things you know you would have managed a whole lot better in the past.

Small problems can suddenly feel huge.

3. You’re Running on Adrenaline

You’re constantly doing.

Always thinking, planning, achieving, organising, and ticking things off your list.

You don’t know how to slow down with ease.

You feel that if you stop, the wheels might come flying off… so you just keep pushing on.

4. You No Longer Enjoy Things You Used To

You’ve noticed that it feels harder to experience joy.

Everything feels harder and like much more effort, much more of the time.

5. Your Brain Feels ‘Foggy’

You don’t feel as switched on as you used to be.

Decisions can feel harder to make, and you can forget small things, frequently.

Your concentration and energy feel limited.

6. Resentment is Building

Even though you love your family, you’re feeling undervalued and under-supported, and it’s taking a toll.

You notice mounting frustration and intolerance for people, or situations at work, and it can all feel ‘too much’.

7. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Felt Like Yourself

“I just don’t feel like myself” is a common thought expressed by many of the mums I’ve supported.

Even though they’re functioning each day.

Showing up.

Performing.

Running around.

Socialising.

Carrying that heavy but invisible load…

Except, you feel like you’re surviving, rather than enjoying your life.

As time has passed, and your needs have been neglected more often than not, you’ve lost your sense of self amongst the constant busy-ness of life as a working mum.

A Gentle Reality Check

If this has resonated with you, I’d like you to know that you’re not ‘failing’, and you’re not doing anything ‘wrong’.

You’ve likely been coping for too long, with too little of the support that matters most to you.

You’re intelligent, caring, responsible, and don’t like letting people down… but chances are you’ve neglected yourself somewhere along the way, while juggling all the balls of motherhood, work, and trying to keep things at home running as smoothly as possible.

The Good News

You can turn this all around.

By reflecting honestly on how you’re feeling, and acknowledging the thoughts that are looping through your mind, this is a step forward. With the right support by your side, your physical, emotional, and psychological health can improve greatly.

It simply starts with you choosing to take one small step at a time.

Is it chatting to your GP regarding a particular health concern? Is it reaching out online for flexible and personalised support that you can fit into your week? Is it talking with your partner with the hope of making some healthier, more balanced change?

Learning how to take a preventative approach toward your emotional health and wellbeing is a game-changer for many mums. This includes making helpful changes to the way you think, and act, the manner in which you prioritise tasks and activities in different areas of your life, and how effective you are at setting boundaries and communicating these to the people who need to hear them.

You don’t need to wait until you’re completely overwhelmed or burnt out before seeking support.

The right support services can help you reclaim your health and wellbeing, to feel like yourself again, and to maintain good health and relationships – no matter how busy life gets.

Wendy

Disclaimer: This is for information purposes only. If you have any concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult your healthcare practitioner for medical advice.