Why High-functioning Mums Struggle with Anxiety

“…but I’m managing to get through work okay”

Many of the high-functioning (but quietly anxious) mums I’ve worked with in private practice are the ones juggling everything each day.

They’re often referred to as “Super Mums” by other mothers around them, who wonder how they do it all.

They’re showing up at work each day – often working in a senior corporate role, as a healthcare professional, or running their own business.

They’re also doing most of the work when it comes to caring for their children, and holding the heavier portion of the mental load of parenting… day after day, week after week.

Running projects or a team at work

Paying bills and booking appointments at home.

Sorting out meals for the week.

Laundry… then more laundry.

Unpacking and repacking lunchboxes.

Responding to WhatsApp school and sports team messages.

Logging back into their work laptop and responding to emails once the kids are in bed.

They are doing it all.

…but along with this comes constant worrying, relationship challenges, second-guessing, or self-doubt. For some, it might be a heavy cloud of impostor syndrome, too.

There’s constant pressure to stay on top of everything and to perform in a perfectionistic manner – both as a Mum and in their professional day job.

Many people assume that if you’re highly anxious, you’re not coping too well. That you’re missing days at work, struggling to get out of bed, or dropping those ‘balls’.

Yet for high-functioning anxious mothers, life looks a little different.

They appear to be coping well.

Often, they’re the high achievers.

Success matters – it always has.

They’re showing up, volunteering, responding to messages and meeting work deadlines, too.

Often, these mums care deeply.

Anxiety is often driven by fear or excessive worrying about:

• Being judged negatively by others
• Not wanting to lose control
• Being seen as “not good enough”
• Missing something important
• Letting someone down
• Failing – either as a Mum, or at work
• Fear of losing yourself in the relentless busyness of motherhood

One of the biggest red flags for me as a therapist is that these women rarely ask for help. They see themselves as highly capable (which they are), yet often perceive weakness in themselves if they were to reach out for support… but do they consider others as ‘weak’ for reaching out? Usually not.

They push on – and keep going – because there’s work to be done, and they will be the ones to do it.

Here are 5 signs that you may be experiencing High-functioning Anxiety:

1. You struggle to switch off

2. You’re constantly overthinking (even the smallest of decisions)

3. You feel responsible for everyone

4. Rest feels uncomfortable (#mum guilt)

5. You constantly feel like you’re falling behind

If this has resonated, chances are, you’re feeling:

• exhausted but an overactive mind (‘tired but wired’)
• irritable or constantly feeling on edge
• emotionally flat
• disconnected from others and yourself
• unable to enjoy the present moment as much as you’d like to

Anxiety doesn’t just affect how you think.

It affects how you experience every part of your life.

For many high-achieving mums, anxiety symptoms can start to rear their head because they’ve been carrying too much, for too long, without the real support they’ve personally needed.

Just because you’ve been managing ‘okay’ for a long time, doesn’t mean you need to keep carrying it all on your own. It might be the qualities that have led to your success over the years, such as being a high achiever, conscientious, organised, and caring, that could create a vulnerability to high anxiety.

The courage it takes to reach out to a professional is most often rewarded through the personalised support you’ll receive. You can feel heard and validated by someone who isn’t judging you. A professional isn’t biased in their thoughts or evidence-based recommendations. You can discover those much-needed mindset shifts, let go of what’s weighing you down, and practice growing your resilience in a safe space, with tools and strategies tailored to you.

Through this warm, connected process, stress and anxiety can finally take a back seat in your life.

Wendy Gilroy

Disclaimer: This is for information purposes only. If you have any concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult your healthcare practitioner for medical advice.